Gloomy outlook, June 26, 2013

I got in touch with the contest organizer today. First I went to the contest website to see what concerts they had announced for 2014,  so I could suggest they just add me in to one already on the books. Then I called him.

When he emailed me on May 13th, he had sent me a phone number.  So I called it. Turned out it was his cell phone, and he was walking on the street in Manhattan. He seemed a little surprised when I said my name, and it  took a while before he remembered who I was.

Forging ahead anyway, I said I wanted to firm up a Carnegie performance date for fall of 2013 or Spring of 2014.  I suggested maybe I could be added to one of the winner’s concerts for the 2014 contests, or possibly the Gala.  He replied,  ’Oh no, the winners’ concerts are for the winners the judges picked, and the Gala is a very special event – the Board only allows certain performers to participate.   But perhaps you could perhaps play on our vocal masterclass series.”

“Where would the event be held?”, I asked. “Liederkranz Hall”, he answered.

Years of feeling like ‘not a winner’ and not  ’special’ – not skilled enough, not enough money, unknown, too many wrong notes –  flashed before my eyes.  But I persisted. I’ve always been stubborn and have learned the hard way how to hang tough.

Politely but firmly I said that I could be flexible on the date, the length of time I would perform, or the repertoire,  but that I was only interested in playing in Carnegie Hall. No where else. It felt good to say that.

He said he understood,  but that he couldn’t commit to anything without checking with the rest of the Board.   Doing my best  ”you and me could be chums maybe” imitation, I said that having served on several boards myself, I understood.

We left things there.

I felt discouraged, but resolved that if I could get Chase Bank to agree to a loan modification, I could get this performance scheduled eventually. Just keep tapping into my long and wide vein of stubbornness.